• I hate United,
• Hate United, hate United
• Hate United do so I.

• I hate United
• Hate United, hate United
• Hate United in the sky

• I hate United
• Hate United, hate United
• Hate United, hate to fly

Repeat ad infinitum

Now I know that “hate” is a powerful word and overused to the point of losing its efficacy, but “despise and loathe to the point of antipathy” didn’t quite scan for my ditty.

The immediate cause of this ditty is my adventures in getting back from Boston Monday morning. I had reservations to fly out of Logan Monday morning on American but American canceled the morning Boston-DFW flights because the weatherman predicted Boston would be covered with frozen rain. It wasn’t but the planes were never sent to Logan so it was a moot point. But American didn’t tell me they had canceled the flight until after I showed up and couldn’t self check-in. I had to go stand in the long line to find out why I had to see an agent and then found out that American hadn’t bothered to arrange any new travel plans for me after they canceled my flight. So, the counter agent is busy punching keys trying to see what he can do for me while the line behind me is getting longer. Evidently a number of people are discovering that their American flights are canceled. He finds me a seat on United to COS via Denver, scheduled to depart at 11, only an hour after the AA flight would have left. The main drawback was a one and a half hour layover at DEN to catch my 15 minute flight to COS. But my car was at COS so I figured I needed to end up there.

Loading the plane almost started on time. United has an interesting, efficient, way to load a plane. American starts boarding with the back rows and then calls the groups of seats further forward so the first group called on is not standing in the aisles and blocking the next group from getting to their rows (in theory). United starts with the window seats and works toward the aisle. So the window seats at the back of the plane are busy waiting to get by the forward window seaters stowing their luggage overhead and further blocking the center seaters being called behind them (in theory). United’s theory works better than American’s.

Eventually, we were all seated. I was in a middle seat at the back of the plane, fortunately surrounded by a couple of gents who weren’t quite my size. The plane backed away from the gate, only a half-hour late. We pushed back about fifteen feet and stopped. The pilot came on and explained that we were waiting for the de-icer to show up. (Always a good idea to de-ice a plane that has been sitting in a freezing drizzle.) It was a few gates away and heading our way. And so we sat, waiting, fifteen feet from the gate. And the de-icer showed up and showered our plane with de-icing chemicals. Then the steward came on the intercom to explain that we were now pushing back to taxi to take off. And she repeated it. I am an experienced traveler and I can tell when a plane is moving. you look out the window and see the scenery changing and no matter how often she said it, the scenery wasn’t moving. I assume the pilot was waiting for a break in the traffic before actually backing up. (you only have a limited time you can sit before having to call back the de-icer) But back up and taxi we did. The pilot explained that we had to back up that fifteen feet from the gate for de-icing because the City of Boston wanted the plane to be sitting on top of a drain when those vicious chemicals were spewed out. It was Boston’s fault, not United’s. All in all, we were ready to take off an hour after the scheduled departure time.

After we took off the pilot informed us that the headwinds were going to be stronger than expected and that even though we were going to take a southerly route to avoid the strongest winds, the flight time would be at least a half-hour longer than expected. But he would go as fast as possible to make up lost time.

My brief, happy, thought was that at least I wouldn’t have the 1.5 hour layover in Denver. Little did I realize.

We reached the gate in Denver 5 minutes after the COS flight left its gate. They didn’t hold the plane for me. They knew I was coming.

The steward, knowing that we would be arriving after most folks connecting flights had left, provided the United 800 number so folks could rebook while we taxied in from Kansas. I was unable to take advantage of this. When I finally got off the plane, I saw that the next flight to COS left in two hours.

So, I went to the Customer Service counter along with a hundred other travelers, to see what my options were. As I was about last off the plane, I was about last in line. There seemed to be only one person at the counter. Somehow, I didn’t think two hours would be enough. I had been able to retrieve my cell phone from where it had been safely stored in the overhead bin and called Elaine to get the United 800 number. Did you know that the United voice menu doesn’t have an entry for rebooking a missed flight? After hitting ‘0’ a number of times and saying agent over and over again I got a real person who informed me that I had already been rebooked on the next COS flight. That was so nice of United. A bright ray of sunshine in an otherwise dreary day.

So I went to the specified gate and got my boarding pass and then wandered around that end of the terminal. They had added a lot of ground level gates for all those small planes you have to walk out to to board. By the time I got back to the Concourse, they had changed the gate.

I picked a bad day to quit drinking.

Not other problems getting home. The flight from DEN to COS was short and probably didn’t get more to more than 10,00 feet. My snow-covered car awaited.

The only reasons I haven’t written a ditty for American are two-fold.

• One, I have been flying them for a number of years and 2007 is the first time I recollect that they have canceled a flight on me. (Boston was the second one this year). Even when things have gone awry they have done what they could to make me whole. That’s what surprised me, that I didn’t have a ticketed option awaiting me in Boston.
• Two, I am trying to get my miles together to get a couple of business class tickets to Australia in 2010 and don’t want to jeopardize my chances.